Ruined By Lies

This semester I am taking a creative writing class. This has been a challenge for me because I have always been an emotional writer so typically, in the past, it has taken something hurtful to help get me started on writing anything. Not only that, but I am very closed off and don't share my emotions hardly, so in this case, that means my writing, too. I express my emotions through my writing. Here is a piece I wrote and had to share. 

Ruined By Lies. 

So many lies, flowing like a river stream.

Rolling of your tongue, no hesitation. 

The truth a stranger, that's what it does seem. 

The pain it causes, and much frustration. 

The problem wasn't my imperfection. 

Although you surely convinced me enough. 

Brainwashed by your misrepresentation. 

That made trying to trust undoubtedly tough. 

Your dishonesty directly exposed. 

Your face puzzled watching me walk away. 

Pleading for me to stay, but I'm opposed. 

This can't be love, or you would not have strayed. 

True love you say, but my heart left broke. 

Truth is, you missed out on a real token. 

A New Beginning For Me

The beginning of a new journey for me.

I have started on a new journey for myself. A journey to better my health. In the past I have always wanted to lose weight only for the people around me. I wanted to do it for people to accept me better, to think I'm worthy of friendship or a boyfriend, and to hope I could be seen as beautiful. I have finally reached a point in my life where I am happy with myself as a person, and with the people I have in my life. I have realized that my weight and outside appearance is not the reason why I should or should not be accepted. If a person can not accept me for who I am as a whole, then they deserve my effort.

My journey consists of becoming a better me physically. I have tried this in the past, what is going to make the difference this time is that I am doing this for myself, and no one else. I have decided I need to do this to be happy with my body, to be proud of how I look, and to be able to walk around confidently knowing I reached a big goal I have set for myself. Although feeling confident in the way I look is a huge part of this, I need to do this because of health reasons, too. While my health problems are not due to my weight, eating healthier and making a lifestyle change will certainly improve the circumstances.

Why am I writing this and sharing it? 

Because. 

I need to write this down and document the beginning of this journey. I need to hold myself accountable and show the world that I can do this. I need to have this written down to help encourage me to not give up. While I may have weeks where I do not lost the pounds I had hoped for, I need to remember that it may not always be about the number on the scale. With incorporating exercise, I will gain muscle. There will be weeks where my weight might even increase, but I need to remember to notice the way my body is still transforming, and becoming more fit.

I have done this before and lost weight, but I did not keep on going like I should have. I gave up on myself because I didn't have the right tools, and encouragement I needed.

This time is different. Mark my words. I acknowledge I will not reach my goal in a week, or a month. But I promise myself to not give up until I have reached my goal, and I am healthy, and fit. 

Here's to a new journey. A new me. A better me.